In light of the new year, I’ve been reflecting on everything that has been going on in our lives over the past year. Of course, Bella was our main event in 2008 – which made me start thinking about when I was pregnant….seems like such a distant memory now…lets face it – I was a terrible pregnant person. It made me think of how funny it is that all the morning (**all day!) sickness, swelling, mood-swings and general discomfort just disappear when you get that little bundle of joy in your arms. I remember being so excited but also scared for what would come when our little girl finally decided to make her grand entrance. What would she be like? What if I didn’t love her immediately? Would Jeremy and I be able to handle taking care of an infant? What if she’s colicky (I read waaaaaayyy to many books about colic..)? Will I like or hate breastfeeding? I wondered how bad childbirth was going to be… I’m sure if you asked my mom or sister during that time, they would have said I would probably never have another child, because I hated being pregnant. Unlike other people that find the whole process “beautiful and amazing”, I just felt sick and tired.
And then… on July 21st – our doc said those crazy words to Jeremy and I – “You are going to have a baby today.” (Little did we know I would be in labor for 16 hours.) I’ve never been a huge believer of love at first sight – I’ve always believed that you have to get to know someone, and then as you learn each others quirks, you fall for the good and the bad into a deep love. But, Bella changed that for me. I swear – the minute I saw her I knew I would love her and figure out what it takes to care for her. And even more, as I’ve gotten to know her over the past 6 months, I have definitely fallen into that deeper love that I’ve always believed in, that encompasses her good (smiles, laughter and silliness) and her bad (crying and sleeplessness). I wouldn’t change a thing about her, and I know Jeremy and I are so lucky to have such a beautiful and wonderful little girl.
2008 brought so much joy into our lives. So often, people ask Jeremy and I – “Are you going to have another?” We both have no idea how to answer that question – as we do not know ourselves. I’m sure if we did, that we would have another wonderful child that would bring joy into our lives as well – but if we don’t, I don’t feel we would be missing out on anything, because we have been given such a blessing in our lives with Bella. I guess we are just really enjoying this moment, and do not feel we need to stress about what lies ahead. To me, that is one of the greatest lessons I have learned in 2008 – how to enjoy the moment that I am in. I look forward to the future, but do not yearn for life to move faster. I reminisce on the past, but I’m not dwelling on it. I really mostly am just loving every minute of life in the now.
I don’t really know how to end this post. It is just a random set of thoughts and feelings that I wanted to make sure to jott down so that I never forget. 2009 – you have alot to live up to! 2008 was a pretty damn amazing year!!
Dear Bella –
Thanks for coming into our lives and bringing us so much joy. I can honestly say I never could have imagined how much life would change when you came into it – but I am SO happy to be living this experience in the now – and I look forward to raising you and watching you grow, and helping you learn to live a happy and healthy life. I hope you’ll remember, even though I may not always be perfect in my methods, I will always love you and try to do right by you.